Indore - Nov '21

Aditi, Adi and me on the terrace of our Indore home.

1. You won't grow unless you're around people. Take time out to surround yourself with different kinds of people and observe and learn from their ways of life. 

2. The more you clam up, the more you stagnate personally.

3. Treat your staff like family with the conscious knowledge that they're not actually family. Keep them close enough so they consider what's yours theirs, and enough at bay to be able to tell them what is expected out of them. 

4. Gratitude. Live a life constantly acknowledging - and mindful of - your privilege. It is the most real thing in the world. With each new encounter, make it a personal agenda to help out those less privileged.

5. Family precedes work in most cases and an overabundance of wealth in all cases.

6. There's a certain comfort when family is around. Do everything you can to maintain good relations with everyone, and to show they're appreciated and loved for who they are. Show how grateful you are to have them around.

7. You are infinitely more privileged than you will ever perhaps realize. Thank the universe daily.

8. पैसा हो तो खर्च करो, ये ज़रूरी नहीं। 

Watch the Indore On The Go vlog - 

Free Fire x Money Heist - a project to make me proud

30th October '21. 

The day Much Much delivers a studio shot production that I'm so proud of. A film for which we built a set from scratch, made a bunch of kickass props, and got 9 young actors to act over 2 hectic days. 

The whole thing started on October 7 with a phone call from an old acquaintance when I was in Bengaluru for my cousin's wedding. And today, October 30, it's over already. 

23 days. A mental health rollercoaster.

In these 23 days, I've had at least 3 sleepless nights. Nights when I thought everyone was out to get me. That doing this was such a big mistake. That I'm only good for the outdoor, travel, factual shoots and nothing more. 

I've had at least 2 panic attacks. Times when crew told me they wouldn't be able to wrap on time, when the set wasn't ready on time on Day 1, when the footage wasn't copying on our HDDs, when one of the actors demanded extra pay for a shift running half-an-hour over time.  

I've felt lonely. Felt like it'd be nice to have a production partner. Someone to offload some stress to. Someone to rely on. 

I've felt disrespected. Like cast and crew sometimes don't give a s*** about what the producer is going through. Like everyone's so self-absorbed all the time they don't even pause to consider what a producer undergoes to put all this up.

That being a producer is a thankless job. And the money she makes in exchange for it is her only redemption for doing the project in the first place.

You've basically got to be cool and composed. You can't stress a lot. Which is not to say I didn't. I was quite tense throughout, as set BTS pictures will tell you. Having a good team is important. These clients were a decent bunch of people. No ridiculous demands. No bad behaviour. 

A lot of good things happened too.

Working with the director and DOP was a great experience. Learnt a lot from the both of them. 

Put up an f-ing set for the first time. And the client kept coming up and saying the art is just kickass. So that was a total win. 

I mean who'd have thought Much Much would do their first studio shoot in October '21? Long overdue? I guess not. Unexpected? Perhaps.

I'm so comfortable with the shoots I do currently. Apart from client servicing I can do each aspect of the pipeline pretty well myself. So this was a big challenge, to offload a bunch of the processes to other experts.

The art team were a revelation. Disorganised, but talented and hardworking. The attention to detail was there, and the client noticed and appreciated it. 

What's disconcerting is that people don't trust you very easily. Everyone wants their money upfront. Studio guys, the casting agency, the art department, the post team... everyone except key crew. Don't know what to make of that.

But F it. I did my first big shoot. For me, it wasn't about the money, it was about the experience, as cliche as it might sound. It really wasn't. 

Am I happy with the outcome?

Yes. As a video it's the best f-ing version of the script it can be.

Because I for sure didn't compromise on even the tiniest detail. Everything was looked into and taken care of and spent decent money on.

I did not scrounge. 'Cuz I'm not a bad producer.

I took care of my crew. I paid everyone on time, and paid everyone their due and more.

Anyway, I'm always less happy than I should be with the final outcome of every project. I don't know why that is the case. Maybe it'll change. Maybe the fact that I'm unhappy with it means the video's objectively decent. Maybe it's because I'm a "perfectionist" (though I'm not sure I even know what that word means anymore). 

Until I watch my work like 5 months later. Then I find them all right. So weird. 

Strange feeling.

Watch the video - 

Edit: The video trended upon its release on Dec 7 '21, and the client was super happy with the way the project has turned out. All in all, good feeling :). 

Mane Holige - Bengaluru

A few days ago we were in Bangalore for a cousin's wedding. We were there for three days, and had nothing to do on the morning of the 2nd day. 

So we drove to the main city (we were staying close to the airport), and went to Bhaskar's Mane Holige. 

Now, there's a bunch of Mane Holiges in that area, and even more all around Bangalore. Actually, all of Karnataka is filled with Mane Holiges. But supposedly this is the original one that started years ago and has almost 50 outlets all over India, including one in Thane and two in Mangalore. 

So the store manager was super friendly, and he got even more excited when we told him we were going to shoot a review. He made us three holiges, showed us inside the kitchen, spoke at length about the process, about their store, etc. Offered the holiges for free, but we paid anyway. 

It was a quick video, and we weren't there for more than 20 minutes in all. But point is - damn fucking tasty holiges. Like really, really tasty, covered in fresh ghee and soft as... like... cotton or something. 

Watch and tell - 

 

Hello little Mac Mini

Got a Mac Mini. The 16GB M1 model, with a 4K LG monitor and a little device to calibrate it. 

Put it all together with my studio monitors, the audio interface, and a new wireless keyboard. 

Some basic thoughts came to mind while working on it.

Always have a desktop for work. 

The big screen helps you focus better. 

Always sit at your desk and work. 

Good decision buying the Mac mini. 

What is love? प्यार क्या है?

Love is patience.

If you cannot be patient, you cannot love.

The more patient you are with someone, the more you love them.

Coorg - Aug 21

It's everything I'd expected it to be, and more. Perfect for a cute little honeymoon :). 

Places to visit: 

1. Nisargadham

2. Dubare

3. Abby Falls

4. Harangi Dam

5. Malalli Falls

Guess that's about it. We were in full chill mode, and took our time everywhere we went. So might not have seen everything there is to see, but we're very happy with whatever we saw.

Anyway, vlogged the whole trip. 

Vlog is such a reductive word for it, though. It's more like a cinematic first-person factual. But guess that's not easy on the tongue (and therefore not 'marketable'), so vlog it is I guess.

Marketable is such a reductive word, though. 

Ah. I'm a bitter little man, and this could go on. 

Meh.

Whatever it is, watch it below. 

Even better, go there yourself. You won't regret it. 

Schooltime Sundays

Circa 1995 - 2000. 

It's 10 pm on a Sunday. The day's been great. I woke up late, had a good lunch, probably watched a one day match on TV in the afternoon while dad and mom slept. In the evening, dad and mom and I got dressed, and they took me out. We drove to Thane market like we usually do, and bought some stuff for me and the house. 

We went to lots of shops, bought lots of nice things, which I cannot wait to go home and messily sort through. There was a short, good-natured debate about which restaurant to eat at. We zeroed in on one, and thankfully dad really liked the food there. It put him and mom in a good mood, and on the drive back we raved about it and vowed to go there more often. 

We reached home at 9 pm sharp, which was already late and any later would be too late. It's the time between sleeping time and dinner time, so dad put on the TV. Browsing channels, dad saw one of his favourite movies playing on cable so we decided to watch it fully. 

I love these impromptu movie plans because dad is so strict about time otherwise, he won't let anything disturb his or our schedule. 

And then the clock struck 10:30 pm. 

"अरे साडे दस बज गये! बाप रे! चलो सोते हैं। (Oh my God, is it 10:30 already? Holy shit, come let's go to sleep.)

Followed by the five most dreaded words of my entire childhood.

"कल school जाना है ना।" (Don't you have school tomorrow?)

Fuck.

It's a feeling I can't describe. You want to shit and throw up at the same time as fling yourself off a valley. Because school sucked. It was a cold, distant cesspool of chaos where you were prodded around like cattle. Do this, don't do that... all day long. The childhood equivalent of the modern-day corporate office, where your report card determines your worth and not your thoughts or feelings or personality or intent. 

Everything's a farce. It's all one big facade, very confusing, and nothing is as it seems. 

Then the TV abruptly goes off, and an eerie silence resounds through the living room. All of a sudden everyone's thinking about tomorrow, Monday, and the blues are already creeping in. A little bit of confusion, a little bit of tension, small bits of uncertainty. The stress levels start rising as the reality of a new week dawns. Dad brings up a patient who's coming tomorrow who never pays. Or something's broken in the clinic and he can't figure out how to get it repaired. Mom's unhappy with the maid, but she can't find another one who won't charge a bomb so she has to make do with this one but she can't figure out how, and life's totally not panning out like she imagined it would. 

Then my grandma or someone invariably brings up a test or an exam or something stressful I have during the week that I must prepare well for (as I have wasted the weekend playing or watching cricket), or else my life is doomed. Then all three of them shift their focus on me, and what ensues is a short but well-intentioned lecture about how I need to start taking my life more seriously, study better, behave a lot better and in general be less of the mess I am. 

Everyone wishes everyone good night. The lights switch off, everyone settles into bed. There's the perfunctory, 5-minute banal chatter before mom dad yawn and go to sleep. The vestiges of a Sunday well spent, of a stress-relieving weekend, set slowly on me, bit by bit disappearing completely over the horizon, never to return. The chatter has long faded away, the ceiling fan now swiveling creakily, and a couple of cars pass on the road below, casting weird shadows on the ceiling. 

Total silence in total darkness. The clock ticks away, the seconds until school fast approaching. Dad's snoring already, mom's also fast asleep. I lie awake in bed thinking about the Sunday that was, thinking about tomorrow, Monday - the classes, the teachers, the exams, the projects - counting days until next Sunday, wondering when all of this will be over. 

Fantasizing about when I'll finally be out of school, a free man free to do as I please, free to work the job of my liking, free to earn the money I want, and free to live life my way. 

Pity I don't know yet that that day might never come at all. 

Busy July

Did a 3-day shoot in Longewala, Rajasthan. 

Did a 5-day shoot across Srinagar, Kashmir and Kargil, Ladakh. 

Did a wedding. My own. Lol. 

June went by in hectic preparation for the wedding and the first shoot. 

So the universe has made up amply for keeping me free these past 3 months. 

One picture from the shaadi party.

Chill

I've got none.

Everything's got to happen right now. Or else it's all pointless.

The efforts, the energy expended

Charm: no clue how to use it

Ideas: no idea how to make them happen

Big network: few friends

Big dreams, bigger hopes

Even as the possibility of any of them happening

Gets smaller by the day

I have the will, the intent

What I don't have is a way

Success is vague -- 

Is it happiness found in things happening the way you want them to

Is it happiness found despite things not happening the way you want them to

Is it a constant conscious reminder to stay happy in spite of everything

Or is it paparazzi and all the bling-bling

Everything you run behind runs farther away from you

Like the same ends of two magnets

What does that say about life

Success, money, happiness come to you when you stay put

Then what's all this hustle for? 

Why can't I have more

chill? 

 

be yourself

(conversation in a Bangalore cab)

what to do about this social media bro?

as in?

as in, what to post macha?

post your thoughts da, just be yourself.

myself meaning what da?

meaning yourself. who you are.

it's ever-changing da. i'm not a robot. different situations i like different things. this "be yourself" business is the biggest pseudo. and how to operate within the framework of these platforms and still "be yourself?" like this character limit, no possibility of vocal intonation, this mirage of spontaneity? raj my cousin works in a talent agency, he says all these stars they'll post something like they're super happy, and then they come to office fully bitter and miserable, like any of us.

yeah, that's quite possible. i mean, they're humans after all.

i'm telling you what this is doing. this is the system da, it's trying to pigeonhole everyone. it's putting us in boxes so that it's easy to put stickers on us... like for example, you: this is sathish ranjan, he likes to dance, prefers chocolate pastry, drinks single malt and supports Man U. this is the system's understanding of you da. say tomorrow you decide that you like Tottenhams (Tottenham), or that you like Monkey Shoulder rum. they're not going to accept that change da. and they're not going to let you believe that for yourself either.

what? why?

because they're compartmentalising you to be able to sell you this very shit, to make you this "cool" version of you that you believe.

sell me what shit da?

shit they want you to buy with your hard earned money, which goes back into keeping the system running.

dei, listen, all this Matrix shit is good in the movies. but this is the real life. you can't have one foot in the system because it's convenient, and kick it with the other foot because you find it "fake". everyone you know - literally everyone da - has been or is part of the system. i don't know about better, but it's just a safer, more tried-and-tested way of life. no rude surprises, no crazy ups and downs. you do what everyone else is doing, and everyone's happy.

okay.

and what hard earned money? you call this hard earned? two metro constructions we just crossed on our way here, those workers live on the streets in small jhopdis with their families of four and five, earning 200-300 rupees a day. that's hard earned. you and me, we wave around our B Tech degrees and companies line up to hire us. we go to an airconditioned office in an airconditioned taxi, take an airconditioned lift up to the first floor, sit on soft chairs then complain about back pain, take hour-long breaks, eat microwaved lunch in an airconditioned cafeteria, wrap up at 5 and go back to our airconditioned flats. and on weekends to pubs and clubs where we'll sit and put drinks with friends, all to pass the time. this is also all part of the system da. this airconditioned system only makes us cool (laughter).

no man, we have our own fights (typing). 

are you posting? what are you writing?

this only, what i'm feeling right now.

what is that?

i'm feeling like reducing my participation in this system. i'm feeling like deleting this app. so... just posting about it.

what? show me. 

one sec... and done. here.

"goodbye, guys. nice knowing you all" with a sad face and palm waving emoji. wow. 

yeah, sad emoji because goodbyes are sad. and the palm waving is just bye bye. that's how i wave goodbye.

yeah i get it macha, but this sounds like you're...

(lots of message pings)

oh my, that's getting some... what you call it da... tractor... traction. oh, first comment... 'you don't need to do this'... what the... aiyo... aye sathish da, people are thinking that i'm... oh god.

yeah, see. and it's the system telling you not to. it's being supportive, no macha? 

i don't know da... (phone rings) hi, hi darling. no no, no di, don't be silly. yeah, i was just... being myself di. yeah yeah, i'm already over it, don't worry. yeah, completely back to normal. just reached office... i'll see you in the evening, ok? we'll go watch that new film... that one... (fades out)

Runs

Ending the month with 141.8 km on the dial. 

Not a bad running month, tbh. The Raheja track is perfect in the evenings for jogs and runs. Sometimes I'll do a full lap, which is around the whole perimeter and passes by my building, and sometimes a half lap, up till slightly before the school. 

I also have a small alcove right beside the entrance gate to the BMC building where I do my stretches and warm up. And the slope leading up to it is where I do sprints sometimes, which at first exhaust me, then later really calm me down. 

Badly needed the stress relief recovering from all the Covid-related tensions this month has thrown up. 

Some dogs over there are friendly and will come up to me as if to say hi. Once I say hi back and pet them, they run away. Haha, funny creatures. 

Still, quite proud of being this consistent. Don't know a previous month in these past six years when I've done a run every single day of the month without taking a break. 

Not too fast, but still. 

Stats: 

Good month, running wise.

All of the above

Anxious again. For like the fifth or seventh day in a row. Don't even know what is up anymore. Is it the work gap? Is it Covid? Is it the lack of a professional community? Is it the routine? 

Is it all of the above? 

There's a definite loss of hope. You know you hear of so many stories of life turning around. Of stuff starting to work out for people. Is it the consistent efforts? Is it actioning a brainwave? Is it reducing the fucks given? Is it connections? Is it dumb luck? 

Is it all of the above? 

Being stuck in a rut. Continually oscillating between overconfident and under. Overenthusiastic and under. Overprepared and under. Living in the extremes, being unable to hit a middle ground. No sense of constant, and yet an absurd mundanity to this existence. Is it privilege? Is it bad timing? Is it a serious talent deficit? Is it an innate inability to do things others can? 

Is it all of the above? 

The party

All around us were people looking around, trying to spot other people they thought recognised them, hoping someone would come up and start a conversation. 

And thus the entire evening, collectively, was spent in silent hope.

Two kinds of people (in the context of entertainment)

The kind that want to get better, and the kind that want to have fun. The former live in the future or past, the latter in the present. 

And largely there's way more people who live in the present than there's people who like to get better at shit. So, give ideas that seem fun. 

They're way easier to sell. 

Getting better while having fun is the easiest to sell. 

Living in the now - mindfulness. The future takes care of itself.

How do you reconcile living in the moment with having a heightened awareness about the future? 

Pitch fun ideas to brands. Educational and for the general betterment of people yes, but ideas that are largely really fun. 

हम - Ep 2

So a couple of days ago Swapnil called and said he was going to be shooting at Banganga in town. A few days before that I'd told him to let me know if he was going to town sometime soon so we could go to camera galli in Fort and buy some gear I'd had my eyes on. 

So we went, March 12th, and soon as he was done with his shoot I shot the 2nd episode of हम with him. 

The question I asked him was: 

What is one thing you like about India, and what is one thing you dislike about India? 

He also gave a decent answer, but I think he was a bit conscious throughout the piece. That's my other worry - not too many people are very comfortable speaking about stuff on camera. 

Anyway, see for yourself how this one came out. 

And I'm seriously done this time, don't know why I compulsively keep coming back to stuff that isn't working out. 

Done with हम. In a good way though. 

Of course, only until I figure out how to make it better. Not... like... done it with it forever. Duh. 

Pomodoro

New way of doing things that is turning out to be more productive than I'd thought.

Bought the paid version for a year. 

This is it, basically: 

हम - a series

So I went to Amit's new Bandra house today, to discuss some work stuff. 

It's an independent place off Hill Road, near St Andrew's Church. Cozy little house, with Amit's books strewn all around, a tiny bedroom, and a big room adjacent to it that could easily be turned into a small studio space. 

Anyway, after we discussed work, I wanted to shoot a short, experimental factual that I'd been mulling over in my head for a while. A series called हम which means 'Us', about us as a people. Indians. 

Multiple 1-minute episodes, each with a different (albeit regular) person, someone you could bump into while walking on the road. 

Could do this with rickshawallas, panwallas, corporate executives, filmmakers, photographers, the whole gamut. See what each person says, what their honest opinion about things is. Ask them questions like: 

1. What's the biggest life lesson you've had? 

2. Do you know Amit Shah? What do you think about him? 

3. Are you able to look at someone and say what kind of person they are? 

4. This Hindu Muslim fight... is it justified? 

5. This caste fight... Brahmin, dalit, shatriya... is it relevant to you? 

6. A lot of people aren't comfortable with the idea of women working. What do you think about that? 

7. When were you when demonetisation happened? What's the biggest way in which it affected you? 

8. In what way was the lockdown good for you, and in what way was it bad? 

9. Do you know Rihanna? 

        10. Do you think the government is doing right by the farmers? 

Etc, etc. Not very esoteric questions, but ones nonetheless that are relevant to us today and could paint a picture of how society thinks. 

Decided to start it off with Amit. The question I asked him was:

The rich are getting richer, the poor are getting poorer. Do you agree? 

He gave a decent answer. I padded it up with some b-roll that we shot around his place, walking around in the streets near his house. 

Came back home and put together a quick 1-min edit, and was nice to see the idea materialize. It's definitely got a message, but I'm not sure it'll pick up. 

For starters, it's not really entertaining, and I don't know to what extent people will want to see regular people give their opinion about things without knowing much about their background. At least that's what the edit showed me. 

But at the same time, I can't pinpoint what it's missing. Definitely don't want to do a vox pop kind of thing where I or someone else goes around asking people questions. That's just not very appealing to me. 

Meh. At least the experiment happened. Maybe I'll tweak the format a bit, add something, make it crisper, don't know. 

Watch it here if you want :). 

मेरी शादी fix हो गई

Aditi's parents and brother came down from Indore today, and our parents met. 

Went off quite smoothly. We haven't fixed on a date yet, but it'll probably be November-December types. The शादी season.

We all went for dinner to Tunak Tunak Tun, this new place in Mulund. Decent food. 

So yeah, it's official now! 

The 42 launch

Was in Lavasa this Republic Day weekend shooting a mini-movie for Jawa. They've launched a new version of the 42, and they wanted a short film about it for YouTube.

Anyway, worked with a new LP, who didn't seem very keen to be working at all. Maybe that's just his vibe, maybe I overthink... don't know. 

Anyway, shoot went off smoothly otherwise. The same DoP who had shot the Ladakh films shot this one, and he's a super talented, dependable guy. 

Brought a new editor on-board, this guy who was a colleague at FH. He's all right, but needs very detailed instructions on how to cut. The whole thing happened remotely, so that didn't make things any easier. 

Also, my first project with Aditi as Associate Producer. 

They were super happy with the final output. Mainly because of the shots we got, and the time we managed to deliver it in. 

The script was written by their digital agency. 

Watch the film here. 

Bakesplaining

That's what we're calling our brand new YouTube channel. 

Shot a couple of recipes in the past two days. One didn't turn out so well, and the other did.

First one. 

Second one. 

The chocolate strawberry cake we brought over to a friend's house for their new year party. They seemed to love it. 

Anyway, the final product is always tasty, and I've got a mirrorless that isn't getting any younger. So might as well put talent, free time and the tastebuds to good use. 

Going to shoot and upload regularly, maybe one video a week or more. If time permits. Let's see 🖖🏻