Meltdowns

Meltdowns are like the autistic mind's way of saying नीचे आजाओ भाई, कहाँ आसमान में उड रहे हो? 

For the past month or so we've been working almost nonstop. Brainstorming, meetings, shoots, edits... there's something literally every single day.

Even Sundays are work days. 

On Thursday night I had lots, as usual, planned for Friday. One grade session, one meeting, some hours of brainstorming. 

Woke up Friday, and I don't know what triggered it, but around 11 am it began. 

The best way to describe it is an empty sinking feeling, with a dense vaccum closing in around you as you're falling down through a vortex of your own dark thoughts. 

You go further and further down a bottomless pit, and a heavy darkness closes in on you, weighing on your soul. 

Couldn't eat, couldn't speak to anyone, didn't want to work, didn't want to think about it. Did three sessions of Headspace, and I was able to clear out my mind for a decent time. 

But even Headspace did nothing for the meltdown. 

Literally can't pinpoint what it was that made it happen. Someone else on the DR WhatsApp group I'm on also had one, and they asked for advice. Someone else described an experience freakishly similar to mine. 

So I guess it's fairly common. 

What they said they do to let it pass was also similar to me - basically lie down locked up in a room, and try to get as much rest as possible. 

No thinking about work, no watching or listening to anything even slightly overstimulating, and no social media for sure. Drinking lots of fluids, and eating healthy comfort food. 

I could barely even eat, though. Still had some brinjal bhaji and rotis. 

It's part of the wiring, I guess. It will come and go periodically. I need to work towards identifying it just as it sets in. 

And writing about it will maybe help me find a pattern in how often it recurs. 

Being part of a group is helpful. Just reassures me it's normal, and nothing to freak out about.