Systematizing feels so nice

Like no, seriously, it actually feels nice. I feel like my reward pathways spark up in a frenzy each time I see that I've maintained some form of long-term consistency in the things I do. 

I have a set of labels that I've been using across my blog, and seeing all my posts neatly labeled and arranged by month and year with exactly the same formatting (font, spacing, image caption) and a nice uncluttered b/g against a picture of the universe is some kind of visual ASMR. 

Same for my work projects. 

Seeing my edits, converts, footage, sound & audio (yes they're different!), powergrades, etc all segregated neatly into folders (with consistently all caps lettering) makes my work so much more organized and fun. I don't dread opening up project files and going to the last edit version because I know exactly what edit bin each project file is in. 

And there's a certain consistency in the way the project files are organized internally, that's parallel with the consistency of the overall arrangement of the files on my HDDs. Yes, it's kind of obsessive, but I would have it no other way because it saves me a lot of anxiety going through stuff that's disorderly and chaotic. 

Not to mention it also saves me a lot of time, and my work gets done way quicker. It's actually a way better system than I've seen most editors (surprisingly) operate with. Unless there's a good post production supervisor on projects, then maybe things are better. 

Same for my: 

1. Onenote diary, which is neatly organized into work stuff, personal stuff and music, and I know what note goes exactly where.

2. Personal HDD, which has stuff from before 2020 (pre-MMM) and now, and all my budget sheets, invoices, tax filing receipts, IDs, and other important documents are neatly arranged in folders. 

3. Kindle, which pretty much has only 4 Collections - non-fiction, ND, comics and Screenplays (I don't read much fiction). 

4. My work closet, which has all my gear put away neatly - the camera, mics, filters, memory cards, batteries and chargers in one drawer. The tripods, monopods, lights, gimbal and other stuff in another bigger compartment, and the wires all bunched up and stowed away in two gym bags. 

5. My personal wardrobe, with a section each for my (ironed & folded) work shirts, jeans & trousers, home t-shirts, outside t-shirts, exercise shorts & t-shirts, socks, undergarments, winter wear & formal wear. 

6. Just two days ago I rearranged the shoe cupboard in the living room and threw out shoes I wasn't using anymore. Now, I don't have to spend much time looking through it to figure what shoes I'm going to wear for which occasion.

        7. And last, breaking down my to-do list day-wise, month-wise and also year wise. Really helps me keep track of my time. 

All in all, all this does is save me time, really. And I know I'm no PM or anything to think his time so important, but it's a need for me, and I have to do things this way. Chaos and clutter stop my mind working, and when my mind's not busy working it's busy getting anxious about things. 

This helps reduce the anxiety and reassures me that ok, at least that bit's taken care of. Often times when speaking to Aditi about new ideas I have to pace about the room and wipe things with a dust cloth in order for the idea to come through clearly. 

Otherwise I'm all flitting back and forth between sentences and words, and it comes out all jumbled. Lol. 

More later. 

Average Privilege

Bombay. Let's call that my India. 

No, no... before you go off picturing your Marine Drives and Worli seafaces.

This is me - the average Bombay Boy. 

A middle class, documentary filmmaker wanting to make my India a better place. 

I'm actually the Borivli Kandivli, and the Mulund Thane... the fringes. 

Circling around the action but pushed away from it. 

My privilege, too, is average. It doesn't come with a big sense of entitlement but with a big conscience. 

And guilt and self-doubt... you know, a tasty recipe for depression. 

Now as a well-meaning guy, you want your privilege to be an antidote to your troubles. 

But average privilege is like an incomplete course of antibiotics. It doesn't fully cure anything. 

What remains are the fringes... you know, the Borivli Kandivli. Sometimes the Mulund Thane. 

So this is me - too laidback to hustle, and too blessed to persevere, so I just sit and think about what to make of it. 

Of having not enough and too much at the same time, and feeling alternately shitty and amazing about life. 

I mean, I get that maybe you don't need very much to start. But I'm always afraid I'll lose what I have. 

And get pushed further out beyond the fringes. You know, past Borivli Kandivli, and Mulund Thane. 

And work commute in India... is a real bitch.